Where the term "...dropping like flies...", this Posting's Title, originated from is almost as confusing as it's literally meaning. I, for one, have never observed a single fly just keel over in mid-flight, let alone a whole group suddenly meet their maker without the benefit of a can of Raid.
Most of us, however, know the general meaning of the axiom and I use it because a number of friends, ex-teammates, work associates are among the many individuals that have met with an early exit from this mortal life this summer. Other friends have had some close calls with open heart surgery, chemo, and other life-altering ailments.
All of this bad news has put me into a funk.
Part of the psychology of aging is the coming to grips with your own mortality contrasted with your most basic of desires to keep breathing, remain upright and above ground. So now, anytime I experience a hint of heartburn, the slightest numbness anywhere, minor ache, or pain it is sufficient reason to panic fearing that the BIG ONE has come!
Therefore, I have decided that when I do kick it (aka: buy the pinewood condo, kick the oxygen habit, or PC version "become metaphysically challenged"), it will be with humor.
Most of us, however, know the general meaning of the axiom and I use it because a number of friends, ex-teammates, work associates are among the many individuals that have met with an early exit from this mortal life this summer. Other friends have had some close calls with open heart surgery, chemo, and other life-altering ailments.
All of this bad news has put me into a funk.
Part of the psychology of aging is the coming to grips with your own mortality contrasted with your most basic of desires to keep breathing, remain upright and above ground. So now, anytime I experience a hint of heartburn, the slightest numbness anywhere, minor ache, or pain it is sufficient reason to panic fearing that the BIG ONE has come!
Therefore, I have decided that when I do kick it (aka: buy the pinewood condo, kick the oxygen habit, or PC version "become metaphysically challenged"), it will be with humor.
I haven't completely decided yet, but here are a few ideas for what I want my epitaph to read:
I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK...
HEY, AT LEAST I'M FINALLY LOSING SOME WEIGHT!
(In real small letters at the bottom of the head stone) IF YOU CAN READ THIS YOU ARE KNEELING ON MY HEAD...
DON'T LOOK NOW BUT I AM STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU!
IT REALLY STINKS IN HERE...
I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK...
HEY, AT LEAST I'M FINALLY LOSING SOME WEIGHT!
(In real small letters at the bottom of the head stone) IF YOU CAN READ THIS YOU ARE KNEELING ON MY HEAD...
DON'T LOOK NOW BUT I AM STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU!
IT REALLY STINKS IN HERE...
IF YOU HEAR SNORING, DIG ME UP!
DON'T BE SMUG, YOU ARE ONE BIG MAC AWAY FROM BEING HERE TOO!
5 comments:
I vote for the "If you can read this, you're kneeling on my head."
I like "I told you I was sick," especially if you put it in big letters on a really prominently-placed tombstone. I bet passerbys would look you up and call your family.
I have a question though, what's with the trend of the short, wide tombstones. What ever happened to the traditional tall, lean ones? They're much more impressive. Do they break too easy? I don't get it.
Dad, you're hilarious. I like the "don't look now..." one. Classic. Glad you're still alive and kickin'. When you do finally kick the proverbial bucket, in 50 years or so, my 76 year old self will make sure it's a humorous affair.
I, too, am hoping for another 40 plus years!
I just got released from HP group leader...now, Exec Sec???? What is up with that???
That's pretty funny! How about "Finally, no more taxes"?
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