There is a trendy new axiom regarding age that declares...
"50 is the new 40!" and
"40 is the new 30!"
With this great logic is 20 the new 10, and is 10 the new ??? (although it may explain our ten-year-old AJ's behavior!)
However, I say it is propaganda from individuals who obviously failed in math.
A lot of this new math nonsense is being perpetuated in Kaiser Permanente commercials. To which I respond, how comfortable do you really feel about a Doctor that is, apparently, "not good with numbers", working on your heart.
"Don't worry Mr. Olson, that 275/140 BP reading is the NEW 117/70...or at least, I think it is..."
Although while we would like to think of ourselves as that younger version of us we get subtle reminders that we, indeed, are not!
Case in point, I got the above pictured AARP membership card in the mail yesterday. It is a gentle reminder that I am officially old. At least old enough to start claiming discounts from Denny's and participating Movie theaters.
But then, I started thinking, besides the discounts, that there are actually a lot of additional perks to this "card-carrying old guy thing" such as:
- You no longer have to help anyone in the ward move ever again. If an overzealous Elder's Quorum president asks you to help with a family move-in (out) all you have to do is simply grab any part of your body such as your lower back, knee, or my personal favorite...the "chest grab" and the offending elder will be off to his next victim faster than you can say, "U-Haul"!
Note: You must be attending the High Priest group for this to work.
- You can officially be cranky for absolutely no reason whatsoever. People will just assume you didn't get your fiber that morning.
- You will always get a seat on a shuttle bus, train, or subway...just remember to limp ever so slightly whenever you enter said vehicle(s).
- You now have a valid reason why you can't dunk a basketball. The younger guys weren't alive during the time you claimed that you could...revisionist history is an ally to the aged.
- You can fall asleep in Sacrament meeting (or anywhere else actually) and people will think it is cute.
And lastly, you get grandchildren.
I took my 4 year-old granddaughter, Olivia, for a walk with the two dogs (Moto and Erin's dog, Charlie) and after awhile as we headed for home Olivia said,
"Papa, I really love coming to California!"
"Why is that Sweety?" I asked.
Then, tilting her head back and looking up at me from her stroller she says,
"Cause I get to see YOU!"
I love being old...
4 comments:
you're hilarious Dad! I also believe Gotchalks has "Senior Tuesday" where you get an additional 10% off your purchases. So you can stalk up on your argyle sweaters!
I like living in Brentwood cause we get to see you too!!!
Yes I always laugh when you hear people say 40 is the new 30, whatever!!! and then as I am now officially closer to 4o then 30, I say oh yes 40 is definately the new 30. Cutest thing your granddaughter said to you. Just makes your heart melt and makes it all worth it!!! (growing old that is)
Hmmm, I got my AARP card way before you apparently. Why is THAT? P.S. You've been falling asleep whenever you sit down for about the past 15 years...old shmold.
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