Insults, insults...

You would think that having reached a certain age you would command enough respect from those significantly younger.

Most recent insults are in reverse chronological order but not by severity.

During a recent trip to my doctor, I was referred to a cardiologist to have a stress test and EKG done. After completing the stress test the cardiologist came in and went over the results with me. He asked me some questions aimed at identifying any obvious symptoms like, do you have pain here, here, or HERE. After responding negatively to all the standard doctor questions, he kind of rolled his eyes and dismissed me with, "Well, Mr. Olson, there is really nothing we can see that is wrong with your heart..." (Except for the fact that my dad died of a heart attack at the same age, you moron...) and "come back if you have any symptoms I described..." (wouldn't I be dead?) Then as a final aside he said, "Pick up that chair..." (ahhh, another test to check out my strength, dexterity...) I complied and lifted the chair easily and anxiously awaited the results of this new, yet simple, test. "You are carrying around that chair all day, every day. Lose the chair..." with that, he spun and left the exam room. Ouch. Just tell me I'm fat. I don't need an object lesson.

Numero Dos. Just before the new year I decided it was time for my semi-annual haircut. I just forget to go to the barber until my hair is way out of control. I walked into Super Cuts, which is like the Kmart of hair salons. Usually I get a non-english speaking woman to cut my hair but on this occasion I got some old guy whose first comment to me was..."you look horrible with long hair..." (hence the reason I am here Einstein...) He goes on, "you need to have a shorter hair cut like Harrison Ford..." (hey, I see your point, we are like twins...) Now, I have always been used to scissor cuts, he starts with scissors then moves on to an object I only have seen done to others, an electric razor that has a "number" associated with the blade...I have no idea what he is talking about when he says "number 4" but I soon, unfortunately find out. This is no haircut, this is a massacre. By the time I can object, my head is virtually shaved. I cannot pinch my hair. Proudly, he states "This is how you should wear your hair and promise me you will never let it grow out long again...long hair just doesn't work on you." Okay, so now I am fat and BALD! Thank you very much. Adding insult to injury I actually tipped him.

Last but not least. I stopped on my way home at a place that had my favorite teriyaki bowls to go. The young girl behind the counter took my order, and I decided to order a second bowl for my mom whom I had just talked to on the cell phone and I told her I would bring her by some dinner. So as I ordered I casually added (thinking that it would sound thoughtful) "Let me get a second bowl for my mom too..." To which she responded with a look of disdain and disbelief, "You still live with your mother???"

Okay, so I am a middle aged fat, bald guy who lives with his mother...can it get any worse?

Tahoe Tales

Well, we made the trek up to Tahoe (Incline Village) and are staying courtesy of Uncle Howard's "cabin", I say cabin in a very liberal sense of the word because it is more like a huge home. Three thousand plus square feet and a cost of $2 million...nice digs for a second home.

Anyway, we went skiing today at Diamond Peak ski resort and here is the view. Isn't it a beautiful world?

Baseball and Life

Well, our first three games of the Liberty Freshmen High School Baseball season (where I am assistant coach) have resulted in resounding defeats each of which have been by 2 touchdowns (14 runs) or more. We suck. Spanked like a red-headed step-child.

It is particularly frustrating when you have practiced with the kids and gone over in detail all the necessary information for them to be successful. Where to throw the ball for cut-offs, where to be defensively on a sacrafice bunt, how to read the coaches signs as to when to steal and hit-and-run, etc. Then game time comes and they have a brain freeze and forget everything they have been taught. Then you look in the stands and see all the parents talking to each other and you are guessing that they are wondering just what in the world are you teaching these kids!

But, freshmen baseball is like life...in a twisted sense of the imagination. We get all the info we need to be successful from church and the scriptures yet when the game of life says, "play ball" we succumb to woeful errors of temptation and missing the "signs" that have been given to us at such a great price. No wonder the "head coach" will get a little disappointed with his teams every once in awhile.

I just hope I don't get cut.

A.J. and Olivia crossing the Brooklyn Bridge-December 2006

Good morning, good afternoon, and good night!

After perusing the blog of my daughter Erin and her husband Phil I got in the mood to ramble a little too.

Peruse, now there is an interesting word. If you ask the average individual, (except Phil who will know this...), they would define the word "peruse" as the act of scanning, skimming over, or quickly reading something. In actuality, it means to "study carefully" which would be the exact opposite of the common interpretation of this word.

Some say that a word's definition is "defined" by it's generally accepted usage and understanding. Perhaps. However, if society as a whole started to call the sky above us "cheese" and continued to do so for a long period of time, maybe centuries, we may assume that our posterity could possibly be staring off into the cheese and dream of flying.

Upon further observation, I have noticed the many definitions have been changed. Things that we had previously defined as evil, wrong or corrupt are now defined as good, right, and praiseworthy.

Heaven forbid if we should disagree with the current definitions and hold to the original version lest a demand for a well-worded formal apology or worse yet a recommendation for therapy be made of us!

Conversely, those things we valued and defined as good, uplifting, and righteous are now under the anti-Webster definition of politically incorrect, wacko, or "red-state".

Think I will take some extra time today to peruse the beautiful cheese.